Health & Wellness

Feeling Human After Baby

Scrolling through Twitter the other night, when I couldn’t sleep, I found a poll on Twitter about feeling human again after baby and how long it took you.

Average answer was 12-18 months.

Wow, this wasn’t just me who took an average of 12 months?!

I was honestly shocked. I’ve always felt so alone trying to find a glimpse of myself after giving birth to my three girls and it seems like it would take forever!

Postpartum body to Postpartum depression is so real and it’s never talked about before you have the babies. If someone would have shown me a glimpse of what I would emotionally and mentally be going through, through my eyes, I honestly would have passed. Hard pass. That’s the main reason we’ve decided to not have any more kids, sure a house full would be amazing, but the reality was I hated myself for the emotional rollercoaster I lived and took my husband through for nearly a year after my last daughter was born.

It was unreal at times. I seemed helped, the main response was here is some antidepressants. It’s not postpartum depression after 3 months. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! It is. It is postpartum depression up until 18 years in my opinion! My life is forever changed after a birthing these humans, I am changed. Postpartum is awful!

After my first born, I struggled with depression and a hate for my body. I was 19, while I watched my body change so much in that past 9 months, I couldn’t understand a lot of the feelings I was having. I wasn’t supported emotionally by the babies father and I remember being told to “snap out of it”, as if it was something I had control of. My body bounced back from 195 pounds pregnant to eventually settling around 155 pounds, later to get back to 195 due to depression and no self worth. I think I felt human again, by the time my oldest was 16 months old.

Years passed, which led to a divorce, raising my daughter solo and regaining my own independence to finding love and adding to the family.

Once I hit 30, I thought I would have this figured out this time around and it wouldn’t affect me. After my second daughter was born, I was feeling “okay” physically by 7 months postpartum but my brain was still in a weird fog. I got pregnant by the time she was 9 months old and I carried that foggy feeling throughout my last pregnancy.

While my youngest is now 13 months old, I didn’t start to feel “normal” in my brain until she was almost 11 months old. My body is getting there. Before she turned 1, I lost all the weight I gained with her but I’m still carrying the weight from my second pregnancy.

While I feel more human and I can handle what is thrown at me, it’s still a journey. The journey now is finding out who I am with 3 kids, a husband, dog and this whole adulting thing again. Because I don’t have that figured out!

How long did it take you to feel human after having children? Comment 👇

❤️, Kristi

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